This blog was written by Quanita McRoberts, a keynote speaker at the 2018 Fairfield County Mental Health & Addiction Recovery Conference.
When the pressures are too much
Isolated and not validated
Hope feels distant and
Happiness is only a memory
That's the Weight of the Clouds
Attempting to grow stronger daily when I tell no one of the internal battle occurring
And the foundation of trauma, depression, and anxiety's friendship is to manipulate my imagination running wild in the fields of self-doubt
Convincing me that neither my recovery or my accomplishments are enough
I can be perfectly fine one minute and triggered with PTSD Flashbacks the next
Or moments of sorrow occur when I begin to long for deep meaningful apologies
Drowning in rivers of silence and shame instead of reaching out
And the pressure of it all makes you want to go fetal
That's the Weight of the Clouds
But not today or tomorrow trauma I've dealt with you directly face to face and in case you need a reminder
I give you breath when I over analyze everything
So I'm here to tell you I still choose freedom
I am capable of having a healthy long term relationships
I have forgiven
I am forgiven
Forgiveness is something I do for myself and my journey
The weight of it all has to disappear
No more flashbacks
These moments when you resurface are opportunities for forgiveness and healing
And to deny healing
Only Grants opportunity for suffering
So I will remain open to the freedom I deserve
And if you can relate, remember this:
The bravest thing one can do, is to choose self-love and perseverance despite what they've been
through
Hate is easy
Anger is easy
Jealousy is easy
But to choose yourself over the weight of the clouds time
and time again shows strength and examination of self-worth
You are virtuous
Your laugh is what love sounds like
Your smile is what love looks like
Your embrace is what love feels like
You define our worth for yourself & others
Don't feel guilty
Release the chains of trauma
and fly above the clouds
When the pressures are too much
Isolated and not validated
Hope feels distant and
Happiness is only a memory
That's the Weight of the Clouds
Attempting to grow stronger daily when I tell no one of the internal battle occurring
And the foundation of trauma, depression, and anxiety's friendship is to manipulate my imagination running wild in the fields of self-doubt
Convincing me that neither my recovery or my accomplishments are enough
I can be perfectly fine one minute and triggered with PTSD Flashbacks the next
Or moments of sorrow occur when I begin to long for deep meaningful apologies
Drowning in rivers of silence and shame instead of reaching out
And the pressure of it all makes you want to go fetal
That's the Weight of the Clouds
But not today or tomorrow trauma I've dealt with you directly face to face and in case you need a reminder
I give you breath when I over analyze everything
So I'm here to tell you I still choose freedom
I am capable of having a healthy long term relationships
I have forgiven
I am forgiven
Forgiveness is something I do for myself and my journey
The weight of it all has to disappear
No more flashbacks
These moments when you resurface are opportunities for forgiveness and healing
And to deny healing
Only Grants opportunity for suffering
So I will remain open to the freedom I deserve
And if you can relate, remember this:
The bravest thing one can do, is to choose self-love and perseverance despite what they've been
through
Hate is easy
Anger is easy
Jealousy is easy
But to choose yourself over the weight of the clouds time
and time again shows strength and examination of self-worth
You are virtuous
Your laugh is what love sounds like
Your smile is what love looks like
Your embrace is what love feels like
You define our worth for yourself & others
Don't feel guilty
Release the chains of trauma
and fly above the clouds